paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
