Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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