dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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