just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
