Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
