she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
