imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
