I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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