At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
