my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
