I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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