i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
