I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
