Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
