i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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