One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
