Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
