The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
