If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
