can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
