Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
