the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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