So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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