i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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