finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
