He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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