ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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