covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
