she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
