It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
