Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
