I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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