My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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