I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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