..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
