Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
