dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
