Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm too high and old for this...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
