have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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