ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
