WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
