We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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