Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
