I wish I only lived at night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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