There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
