All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
