i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
