she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
