I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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