I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
