Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
